When I became pregnant, there were a lot of rules, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t sleep on your tummy, and don’t tell anyone about the pregnancy until they can see for themselves. For my first child, I kept this last rule, I never told anyone until my tummy started bulging but with my second child, I was so confident it’s okay to tell anyone that cares to know and I wish I hadn’t.
When I told my husband the news of my pregnancy, I made sure it was recorded, I was seated on the couch with him and our 4 year old son “We’re having a baby” I announced, I watched my husband’s expression change and he danced around happily, I’m glad I captured that moment. My son who had been asking me for a baby sister jumped around in excitement.
I immediately called up my mother-in-law to tell her, I told my own mum, my friends, and then my excited 4 year old proudly told his friends that his mom is giving him a baby sister, I should have known that the little brat can’t keep a secret. So at the end everyone got to know, but when they heard I was only 6 weeks gone, they raised their eyebrow but I was sure they were just being paranoid, I became determined to make this work.
Some weeks later, I started bleeding, I lost the baby at 10 weeks. When we got back home my son asked “how’s the baby doing?” I pulled him to one side and explained to him that “the egg is bad so my body got rid of the baby because if given birth to, baby won’t be as healthy as you” he went to one side and sobbed sadly.
I had to persuade him that we are all sad but as soon as I’m okay, we’ll make a new good egg and give him a sister. When I told him how it might take some time, he wailed again. His cry of anguish mirrored exactly how we adults were feeling.
The hardest part of it all is having to “untell” everyone. I only told the people close to me, my mom, his mom, my friends close to me had to be notified. When others ask “how’s baby?” I simply answer “baby’s gone.” I’m glad I talked to my friends who have had a miscariage at some point, their support really helped me heal as they talked about how they felt when they lost their baby and how they coped.
As for my son, he had to learn the meaning of a miscarriage and tell his friends his mom had one, I wished I had desisted from telling him so early so I’d spare him the trouble. Waiting 3 months before telling people is the wise advice and next time I’d heed this advice.
Meanwhile we are still trying, wish me luck!