Fertility

Is A Woman Incomplete Without Kids?


The act of defining a woman’s value based on her marital and maternal status has always been and is still in the history of our nation. Even if you are happy in marriage, you can’t have a “happily ever after” until you have kids, and even if your husband wants to be happy with you, will the extended family allow for it? They’d keep hammering on what you don’t have until the happiness in your family evaporates.

I really don’t think I have to be pregnant before I’m complete, I have a family that looks up to me, a foundation that I regularly donate to, and I put a lot into the society, and I feel every bit like a complete human that I am.

I’m past that stage where my husband’s family members can be victimizing me, ’cause I have done a lot in their children’s life, but I know that even though they don’t say it to my face, they still say it among themselves.

When I clocked 35, I made it known to my husband that if he so wants children badly in his life, he can go ahead and impregnate a girl, he was already clocking 40 that year and I wouldn’t want his family to look back when he’s too old to make children and lament about how I destroyed their brother’s life. I know it’s the kind of thing they can do, ’cause to them, I’ve not tried enough.


 

It’s just high time we realised that not having kids doesn’t make us incomplete in any way, our journey is different in life, while some are given to conceive once they try, others are given to keep trying until they get lucky I’min the last category, and although I’ve not ruled out getting pregnant, I don’t believe my life is incomplete because I don’t have kids.

On the contrary I feel fulfilled when I see the kids I’m mentoring achieving milestones in life, through giving to humanity, God might mercifully look at me and give me my own kids, and even if He doesn’t, I have no grudges with my creator, I feel fulfilled, I feel loved and I feel blessed.

More Stories You’ll Love

Dealing With Anxiety After A Miscarriage


After having two miscarriages in 1 year, I became scared to try again for a baby, I was afraid I’d keep trying and losing them, and the third time I got pregnant, I didn’t tell anyone, I tried hard not to be excited, instead of being happy, I was scared shitless, stressed up and worried about what would happen next. If you’ve had a miscarriage and going through all these stages you are not alone! But you need to learn how to deal with the anxiety fear that comes with being pregnant again after a miscarriage.

Studies have shown that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in miscarriage. Yet no woman would lose her child and not almost lose her mind, I’ve been there so I know how heart-wrenching it is. Which is why it’s not hard to understand why women who had miscarried are forever changed.

When they finally get pregnant, they become worried, for their unborn babies, have sleepless nights, I’d lost two babies before I finally carried the third one to term. Many women who have had miscarriages in the past sometimes dream about losing their baby when they finally get pregnant again.

A friend of mine who had had 4 miscarriages said “There are nights I’ll wake up sweating from a nightmare where I lost my baby again” When I wake up, I would hug my belly and cry as if the dream is for real. If my baby doesn’t kick to say good morning I’d become scared, and even though I was heavily pregnant and my bump was staring me in the face I still couldn’t believe I would be a mother”


Thankfully, she gave birth to the 5th pregnancy safely, a bouncing healthy baby boy! But this is the concern most moms who have had miscarriages in the past have when they finally become pregnant again.

To heal physically, what most women need is ample rest and proper diet to help them,  but healing emotionally? That’s usually tough. The feeling of guilt and shame may be there but to heal emotionally, you need to forgive yourself!

And talk about it, talk about how rough your path to motherhood has been to people or a friend who would listen and understand, the reason why most people don’t really heal is because they never really talk about their experience and rough journey to motherhood.

GET THE latest from mamalette in your inbox