Fertility

Is A Woman Incomplete Without Kids?



The act of defining a woman’s value based on her marital and maternal status has always been and is still in the history of our nation. Even if you are happy in marriage, you can’t have a “happily ever after” until you have kids, and even if your husband wants to be happy with you, will the extended family allow for it? They’d keep hammering on what you don’t have until the happiness in your family evaporates.

I really don’t think I have to be pregnant before I’m complete, I have a family that looks up to me, a foundation that I regularly donate to, and I put a lot into the society, and I feel every bit like a complete human that I am.

I’m past that stage where my husband’s family members can be victimizing me, ’cause I have done a lot in their children’s life, but I know that even though they don’t say it to my face, they still say it among themselves.

When I clocked 35, I made it known to my husband that if he so wants children badly in his life, he can go ahead and impregnate a girl, he was already clocking 40 that year and I wouldn’t want his family to look back when he’s too old to make children and lament about how I destroyed their brother’s life. I know it’s the kind of thing they can do, ’cause to them, I’ve not tried enough.



 

It’s just high time we realised that not having kids doesn’t make us incomplete in any way, our journey is different in life, while some are given to conceive once they try, others are given to keep trying until they get lucky I’min the last category, and although I’ve not ruled out getting pregnant, I don’t believe my life is incomplete because I don’t have kids.

On the contrary I feel fulfilled when I see the kids I’m mentoring achieving milestones in life, through giving to humanity, God might mercifully look at me and give me my own kids, and even if He doesn’t, I have no grudges with my creator, I feel fulfilled, I feel loved and I feel blessed.

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My Child Died By My Hands



Sometimes in life, we wish we can turn back the hands of time and change things, but there’s nothing I can do to bring back my dead son, worse still, I have no other child since his death. If he were alive, Aramide should be clocking 4 years old today. I remember the day he met his Maker and the details of his death as if it were yesterday, the sight of his bloodied body haunts me at night. There are days I wake up screaming from nightmares with his name in my mouth. “Aramide! Aramide! Don’t go!” I would scream with my hands stretched as if to bring him back, then wake up with tear filled eyes and hands outstretched.  

No, I didn’t stab him to death with a kitchen knife or anything gory like that. That fateful afternoon, my mother came from Owo to Lagos to see her grandchild, so we picked her up from the park. Aramide was in his car seat in the front seat, while my mother was at the back, he started crying while touching his left foot, my mother picked him up from his car seat so she can see what was pinching him in the foot.

She found that a hair strand was tied to his toe, I was surprised “How did that happen? I’m on low cut so that hair is definitely not mine” I replied

I can’t remember the details of what happened next, I took off my eyes from the road for a minute to see the hair my mom was talking about and when I returned my eyes to the road, I saw I was running into the mouth of the incoming trailer, I skidded and went back to my lane, too late!



The car was off the road and it kept going until something stopped it. I blacked out.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself at the hospital and the first thing I asked was

“What happened?” “Where’s my son”

The injury to me and my mom was mild because we were belted down, the look on my husband’s face changed when I asked about our son.

He answered with a hoarse voice “Get well soon so you can see him”

“Well I’m fine now and I want to see him immediately” I said and immediately removed the needle supplying drips to my body, it stung but I couldn’t feel the pain.

I just knew something wasn’t right, something told me my baby is gone but I didn’t want to believe it, before I could get out of the hospital bed, my husband held me back, “He’s no more, Aramide is dead” he said and burst into tears.

I slumped and black out again. I woke up the third day, “Is she awake?”I could hear my mom saying weakly beside the bed. I woke up with tears in my eyes “We killed him, we did!” I kept saying.

I was discharged from the hospital but I never remained the same again, my mom was ridden with guilt too, she became terribly ill, and at her sick bed, she kept saying “I shouldn’t have come here” I didn’t dispute that, I kept hammering on “We killed her”

Needless to say, the guilt killed her, she died a week after the death of Ara and I became even more sad. I should have reassured her, I should have told her it’s not her fault.

I know I didn’t kill my mom, no, I didn’t, she died of heartache, but my son died by my hand, if only I had made sure he was safely tucked in in his baby car seat, if only I had pulled over to examine what was hurting him, I would still have my sweet baby with me right now.

Now the boy keeps coming to me in my dreams, he keeps tormenting my soul, I want closure, I want to forget, but how can I when I see him in my waking and sleeping moments? I can’t even try to get pregnant in this state of mind.

I don’t want to die of heart-ache, I don’t want to end up like my mom. How do I achieve closure, how do I tell myself it’s not my fault? Please help!

                                                                                                                                                                               Derayo 

Please ensure your children wear seat belt while inside your car, share this article on Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp so your friends can see the danger in not belting their child up when driving.

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