My Mom Knew I Was Pregnant Before I Did

Thanks to my “noviceness” when I’m pregnant I don’t know I am until the symptoms are practically poking me in the nose, that’s the only time I’d pause, think about the symptoms and realise with widened eyes that  yes, I have a little person growing in me. With my first child it was funny my brother asked me “Sis do quick and give Fola (my husband) a baby o” to this I replied “We’ve not started trying o jawe” With raised eyebrow my mother replied “are you sure about that?” She forced me to take a pregnancy test and it was positive.

“How come I didn’t know!” I protested “Because you have eyes but they don’t see” trust my mom to rub it in my face, anyway she knew way before I got to know that I was pregnant, for my two pregnancies.

You know those people who take just one look at you and know you’re pregnant? She’s one of them! My sister Derayo’s mother-in-law is like that too, you don’t need to do a pregnancy test, just let her take one look at you with her squinty eyes and she’ll declare you’re pregnant. In short she announced the pregnancy of all her grandchildren, no need telling her, she’ll be the announcer.

When she was pregnant with her second child, she went to visit her mother-in-law, she greeted her effusively, this greeting was too much and Derayo started suspecting her, as she was washing the clothes given to her, her MIL came out and sat down beside her, grinning mischievously from ear to ear.

“Okay, mama I know you have something on your mind, spill it”  Giving her the “I don’t know what you’re talking about” look “Nothing, nothing on my mind. When are you going to give me the gist” Now Derayo was lost.

“What are you talking about?”

Now it was her MIL’s turn to be indignant “Don’t tell me you don’t know you’re pregnant” “for how long were you hoping to hide it from me” she attacked. But the shock on Derayo’s face told her she never knew.

At that moment, Derayo realised she had seen the tell-tale signs but had ignored it, she was happy about the pregnancy but unprepared. It made sense though, since she and her husband were just firing on during their honeymoon without thoughts of how things would change if they scored the goal.

Needless to say, the pregnancy test showed positive, her husband danced around the house like someone who won the jackpot. The next time her MIL took a look at her again and announced “you are pregnant! Look at your pale face” while she was still breastfeeding her first child she shot her a dagger look, if only eyes could kill ……

Anyway, her MIL was right again and this time around, she really wasn’t ready for the pregnancy, as her first child was only 6 months old, no one told her before she went on family planning.

So yeah, Derayo’s MIL knew she was pregnant even before she knew on both times, and she found it very unnerving. The same with my mom, I wonder how these old women do it, they say they see pregnancy in your heels, how weird is that?

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Dealing With Anxiety After A Miscarriage

After having two miscarriages in 1 year, I became scared to try again for a baby, I was afraid I’d keep trying and losing them, and the third time I got pregnant, I didn’t tell anyone, I tried hard not to be excited, instead of being happy, I was scared shitless, stressed up and worried about what would happen next. If you’ve had a miscarriage and going through all these stages you are not alone! But you need to learn how to deal with the anxiety fear that comes with being pregnant again after a miscarriage.

Studies have shown that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in miscarriage. Yet no woman would lose her child and not almost lose her mind, I’ve been there so I know how heart-wrenching it is. Which is why it’s not hard to understand why women who had miscarried are forever changed.

When they finally get pregnant, they become worried, for their unborn babies, have sleepless nights, I’d lost two babies before I finally carried the third one to term. Many women who have had miscarriages in the past sometimes dream about losing their baby when they finally get pregnant again.

A friend of mine who had had 4 miscarriages said “There are nights I’ll wake up sweating from a nightmare where I lost my baby again” When I wake up, I would hug my belly and cry as if the dream is for real. If my baby doesn’t kick to say good morning I’d become scared, and even though I was heavily pregnant and my bump was staring me in the face I still couldn’t believe I would be a mother”

Thankfully, she gave birth to the 5th pregnancy safely, a bouncing healthy baby boy! But this is the concern most moms who have had miscarriages in the past have when they finally become pregnant again.

To heal physically, what most women need is ample rest and proper diet to help them,  but healing emotionally? That’s usually tough. The feeling of guilt and shame may be there but to heal emotionally, you need to forgive yourself!

And talk about it, talk about how rough your path to motherhood has been to people or a friend who would listen and understand, the reason why most people don’t really heal is because they never really talk about their experience and rough journey to motherhood.

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