Fertility

It’s Fibroid, Not A Baby Bump


Women often complain about how people still call them “Iya Ibeji” after they’ve given birth but Kemi’s case is actually very sad. She had a flat tummy before she got marriage, her flat tummy and figure 8 shape had always been the envy of most girls and so many men coveted her. She was the first of 3 friends to get married, she got married to her secondary school love and we were so happy for her until her luck reduced.

Kemi got pregnant two months after her wedding and you can imagine the excitement of we the clique of friends. We would happily tease her “Iyawo, Iyawo! You dey vex o! You no even calm down at all.” Her baby bump wasn’t too big like she feared, only her facial features got plump, her nose became wide in her face and we jokingly called her “Madam God nose best.”

 

Her pregnancy was filled with a lot of woes and when she lost the pregnancy at 28th week, she was heartbroken, she wouldn’t go out and even when we visited her she wouldn’t open her eyes and see the sun.


“Let me just die, what am I doing here” when we got there that fateful day, her husband went to bring her mother, leaving us to console her. We wept as we shared the pain and hurt of a mom who just lost her beloved pregnancy.

A month after, I was surprised to see that her tummy was bigger than what it used to be and I was forced to ask “Are you pregnant again?” And before she could answer “Congrats!” I said excitedly.

“I’m not pregnant, it’s fibroid!” she burst out. I had to shake my head twice to clear my head and understand what she was saying.

The fibroid had been there before she conceived the baby she lost and it kept growing and has now filled up the space in her uterus making it appear as if she’s still with child.

 

It’s even more sad because most people knew she was pregnant and they never saw her with child, the ones who had the courage to ask her, did  “Aren’t you overdue?”

“I’m tired! How many people will I explain to that I’m not pregnant? That I was pregnant but I lost it and now it’s replaced with fibroid?”

Sadness has enveloped her being, I felt her pain. She lost her baby and got a fibroid and now she has a lot of explaining to do.

When I suggested a myomectomy, Kemi freaked out. She believes she got pregnant with her first child while with the fibroid and she can still do it again. Unknown to her, the fibroid will keep growing making the chances of her conceiving very slim, and when she finally does, if the fibroid is overgrown it can block the food source of the baby making her baby starve to death.

She’s still trying desperately to conceive while carrying her bulging tummy around. Now when anyone calls Kemi “Iya Ibeji” she simply answers without protesting, “you can’t keep answering them, it’s better to just ignore them” I told her one day.

“I’m just tired of hearing people call me Iya Ibeji when the only thing I’m giving birth to is shit.” She said disdained. She’s hopeful and that counts, I believe there’s nothing God cannot do.

Moral lesson

  • Don’t ever call anyone Iya Ibeji unless you are sure
  • Don’t try to rub a “pregnant woman’s bump in case it’s no bump.
  • And never ask a woman if she’s pregnant, if she is, time will tell.

Mamalette! what would you advise she do?

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Dealing With Anxiety After A Miscarriage


After having two miscarriages in 1 year, I became scared to try again for a baby, I was afraid I’d keep trying and losing them, and the third time I got pregnant, I didn’t tell anyone, I tried hard not to be excited, instead of being happy, I was scared shitless, stressed up and worried about what would happen next. If you’ve had a miscarriage and going through all these stages you are not alone! But you need to learn how to deal with the anxiety fear that comes with being pregnant again after a miscarriage.

Studies have shown that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in miscarriage. Yet no woman would lose her child and not almost lose her mind, I’ve been there so I know how heart-wrenching it is. Which is why it’s not hard to understand why women who had miscarried are forever changed.

When they finally get pregnant, they become worried, for their unborn babies, have sleepless nights, I’d lost two babies before I finally carried the third one to term. Many women who have had miscarriages in the past sometimes dream about losing their baby when they finally get pregnant again.

A friend of mine who had had 4 miscarriages said “There are nights I’ll wake up sweating from a nightmare where I lost my baby again” When I wake up, I would hug my belly and cry as if the dream is for real. If my baby doesn’t kick to say good morning I’d become scared, and even though I was heavily pregnant and my bump was staring me in the face I still couldn’t believe I would be a mother”


Thankfully, she gave birth to the 5th pregnancy safely, a bouncing healthy baby boy! But this is the concern most moms who have had miscarriages in the past have when they finally become pregnant again.

To heal physically, what most women need is ample rest and proper diet to help them,  but healing emotionally? That’s usually tough. The feeling of guilt and shame may be there but to heal emotionally, you need to forgive yourself!

And talk about it, talk about how rough your path to motherhood has been to people or a friend who would listen and understand, the reason why most people don’t really heal is because they never really talk about their experience and rough journey to motherhood.

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