Fertility

I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant



I didn’t know I was pregnant until one of my friends mentioned it. We are a clique of five from secondary school and we usually meet up at least once in a month. On one of those days, I didn’t eat before heading to the meeting place (Lilian’s house) so I finished eating my food and picked Lilian’s the extra plate, she eyed me suspiciously.

“You’re pregnant” she dropped. I tried to laugh it off but when I saw all four eyes on me I knew they actually believed her.

“You guys can’t be serious, I’m not pregnant!” I replied vehemently. It turns out they were right, later that day, I took a home pregnancy test and I discovered I was pregnant much to my own chagrin.

 

Then I checked myself. How is it possible that I’m pregnant but on second thought I realized that my body had given me enough tell-tale signs but I ignored them.



I just finished using birth control pills and I knew some of my friends who had to wait a year before the effect of the pills wear out which was why I wasn’t worried when my menstruation didn’t surface.

 

I had put on some extra weight, I was always hungry and craving foods which I would normally not eat like garri, groundnut and cold pure water which suddenly became my favourite food. All in all, I feel in love with foods and eat even during the midnight.

I got exhausted easily and as a strong woman (my father had a block industry….) I don’t breath heavily when doing small jobs unless they really are tiring.  And I became very lazy, I would lay in bed and think about doing something for hours before I force myself to stand up and actually get it done.

 

 

The only thing that would have found me out is morning sickness, but I didn’t have any of it. I was never nauseated, I never for once fall sick and vomiting wasn’t in the picture too. I later found out that not all women experience morning sickeness but did I know?

 

Had I paid enough attention to these telltale signs except the nausea thing of course I would have known that I am pregnant, I just didn’t notice and that’s probably because we weren’t expecting it at the time it happened.

 

There I brushed off my friend’s comment as “rubbish” it was after doing the test and it proved positive that I knew that the signs were there, staring me in the face but I just didn’t want to see it.

 

Unknown to me, my friends already placed a bet, when I announced to them at the next emergency meeting that I was pregnant, I saw them exchanging money “what’s up gals?” “we placed a bet” Lilian said cheekily has she snatched the money from the others’ hands. I guess other women who have been there before always know.

 

Sometimes, good things come without much ado, most women are worried about fertility issues, meanwhile, worrying is a problem on it’s own. Why do you think people who don’t want babies get them? Because their mind is not on it, wait for it Mamalette!

Were you ever pregnant without knowing? How did you find out?

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My Child Died By My Hands



Sometimes in life, we wish we can turn back the hands of time and change things, but there’s nothing I can do to bring back my dead son, worse still, I have no other child since his death. If he were alive, Aramide should be clocking 4 years old today. I remember the day he met his Maker and the details of his death as if it were yesterday, the sight of his bloodied body haunts me at night. There are days I wake up screaming from nightmares with his name in my mouth. “Aramide! Aramide! Don’t go!” I would scream with my hands stretched as if to bring him back, then wake up with tear filled eyes and hands outstretched.  

No, I didn’t stab him to death with a kitchen knife or anything gory like that. That fateful afternoon, my mother came from Owo to Lagos to see her grandchild, so we picked her up from the park. Aramide was in his car seat in the front seat, while my mother was at the back, he started crying while touching his left foot, my mother picked him up from his car seat so she can see what was pinching him in the foot.

She found that a hair strand was tied to his toe, I was surprised “How did that happen? I’m on low cut so that hair is definitely not mine” I replied

I can’t remember the details of what happened next, I took off my eyes from the road for a minute to see the hair my mom was talking about and when I returned my eyes to the road, I saw I was running into the mouth of the incoming trailer, I skidded and went back to my lane, too late!



The car was off the road and it kept going until something stopped it. I blacked out.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself at the hospital and the first thing I asked was

“What happened?” “Where’s my son”

The injury to me and my mom was mild because we were belted down, the look on my husband’s face changed when I asked about our son.

He answered with a hoarse voice “Get well soon so you can see him”

“Well I’m fine now and I want to see him immediately” I said and immediately removed the needle supplying drips to my body, it stung but I couldn’t feel the pain.

I just knew something wasn’t right, something told me my baby is gone but I didn’t want to believe it, before I could get out of the hospital bed, my husband held me back, “He’s no more, Aramide is dead” he said and burst into tears.

I slumped and black out again. I woke up the third day, “Is she awake?”I could hear my mom saying weakly beside the bed. I woke up with tears in my eyes “We killed him, we did!” I kept saying.

I was discharged from the hospital but I never remained the same again, my mom was ridden with guilt too, she became terribly ill, and at her sick bed, she kept saying “I shouldn’t have come here” I didn’t dispute that, I kept hammering on “We killed her”

Needless to say, the guilt killed her, she died a week after the death of Ara and I became even more sad. I should have reassured her, I should have told her it’s not her fault.

I know I didn’t kill my mom, no, I didn’t, she died of heartache, but my son died by my hand, if only I had made sure he was safely tucked in in his baby car seat, if only I had pulled over to examine what was hurting him, I would still have my sweet baby with me right now.

Now the boy keeps coming to me in my dreams, he keeps tormenting my soul, I want closure, I want to forget, but how can I when I see him in my waking and sleeping moments? I can’t even try to get pregnant in this state of mind.

I don’t want to die of heart-ache, I don’t want to end up like my mom. How do I achieve closure, how do I tell myself it’s not my fault? Please help!

                                                                                                                                                                               Derayo 

Please ensure your children wear seat belt while inside your car, share this article on Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp so your friends can see the danger in not belting their child up when driving.

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