How Far I Went To Have A Baby

Growing up, there was a Nollywood movie I watched where the woman was so desperate to conceive that she went as far as seeing an herbalist who collected a large sum of money from her, saw her nakedness at the pretense of bathing her and when she finally gave birth, she gave birth to a yam! I was like ”serves her right for not waiting on God!” I never knew this desperate woman is me.

One who never walks the lonely, sad, dark path of infertility can never know how hard it is, I’ve tried all I could to leave the clique of people who are trying to conceive into the club of mothers, I didn’t just up and leave my God, I looked unto God, prayed, gave to the motherless children, paid my tithe faithfully and worked vigorously in the house of God.

I never wished any woman who just gave birth ill, I bless them with gifts and use them as a point of contact for my own testimony, but when the spending on fertility treatments became endless, and it seems the doctors have turned me into their regular customer.

When my in-laws began to give me the evil eyes and see every kind act I did towards them as me bribing them, when each time I visit a woman who just delivered my eyes will become misty and the tears will threaten to fall, then the new mother will collect her baby from my hand before I bath her little one with my sorrowful tears I succumbed. I left the path I was brought up in because of tribulation and I regret it.

I’ve heard women testify about getting pregnant after paying a visit to the “yeye Osun” so the last Osun Osogb0 festival I attended the ceremony, not just to be entertained but I thought maybe just maybe I might become a mother by becoming devoted to Yeye Osun.

Do you know? I was even ready to be one of their gourd carriers, but I heard only virgins can be an Osun Oshogbo gourd carrier. I went, drank the water, performed the normal rites and went back home, believing maybe yeye Osun will talk to God on my behalf.

When after 3 months, nothing happened, I’d already given up on it, but then a friend of mine told me about a prophet who helped a friend of her friend conceive even though she didn’t have a womb.

So I followed my friend to see her wonder prophet, he isn’t a pastor, No, he is an herbalist who does “good”. After eating some concoctions he gave me for months, he told me I was pregnant, and I was instructed to be coming there every two months till I deliver.

Each time I went there, he would give me something to bath with and a concoction to drink, at the end of the 9 months, he delivered me of a baby girl and gave me rules and regulations.

Note: I wasn’t excited about the pregnancy as I couldn’t even do a scan to know what I was carrying, but, the birth made me a believer. One look at my beautiful little girl and I was ready to kiss the man’s feet if he says so.

The rules and regulation he gave me were

  • Your daughter should not walk in the 1’0 clock afternoon sun.
  • You must not celebrate her first birthday but subsequent birthdays should be celebrated in grand style.
  • Your daughter must not wear the clothes someone has worn before.

I didn’t see any of these as a problem until later. The clothes given to her during the naming ceremony were scrutinized just to be sure none of them are okrika, and me, a seller of grade A okrika couldn’t pick the best of the whole bale for my daughter. As for the 1’0 clock sun, I would pick her up from school when it was 12′ o clock as the teachers couldn’t be trusted to keep her from entering the sun.

I wondered what I would do when she started school fully, but I never got to find out. On the eve of the day she was to clock 3 years old, she cried out from her sleep and before we could get to her, she had given up the ghost.

I was left with an empty palm as the giver of the Ogbanje daughter decided to take her back. I spent days asking God for forgiveness and went for deliverance, all the while, my husband who never said yes or no when I was going around, started calling me a fetish woman.

Thanks to God who forgives the sins of men, 3 months after the death of my daughter, when I was still wallowing in guilt and praying for forgiveness, God answered my prayer and I conceived, God gave me a son.

The boy is 4 years old and even though I’ve seen no sign of another child coming, but in all this I learnt 2 lessons;

  1. Never take the short cut as it can turn to a long one, God’s time is the best, always wait on him.
  2. Only God’s blessing comes without problem.
  3. Never give up on God.

I’m still waiting on him for a second child, and I know he won’t fail me.

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Dealing With Anxiety After A Miscarriage

After having two miscarriages in 1 year, I became scared to try again for a baby, I was afraid I’d keep trying and losing them, and the third time I got pregnant, I didn’t tell anyone, I tried hard not to be excited, instead of being happy, I was scared shitless, stressed up and worried about what would happen next. If you’ve had a miscarriage and going through all these stages you are not alone! But you need to learn how to deal with the anxiety fear that comes with being pregnant again after a miscarriage.

Studies have shown that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in miscarriage. Yet no woman would lose her child and not almost lose her mind, I’ve been there so I know how heart-wrenching it is. Which is why it’s not hard to understand why women who had miscarried are forever changed.

When they finally get pregnant, they become worried, for their unborn babies, have sleepless nights, I’d lost two babies before I finally carried the third one to term. Many women who have had miscarriages in the past sometimes dream about losing their baby when they finally get pregnant again.

A friend of mine who had had 4 miscarriages said “There are nights I’ll wake up sweating from a nightmare where I lost my baby again” When I wake up, I would hug my belly and cry as if the dream is for real. If my baby doesn’t kick to say good morning I’d become scared, and even though I was heavily pregnant and my bump was staring me in the face I still couldn’t believe I would be a mother”

Thankfully, she gave birth to the 5th pregnancy safely, a bouncing healthy baby boy! But this is the concern most moms who have had miscarriages in the past have when they finally become pregnant again.

To heal physically, what most women need is ample rest and proper diet to help them,  but healing emotionally? That’s usually tough. The feeling of guilt and shame may be there but to heal emotionally, you need to forgive yourself!

And talk about it, talk about how rough your path to motherhood has been to people or a friend who would listen and understand, the reason why most people don’t really heal is because they never really talk about their experience and rough journey to motherhood.

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