Heartbreak When It’s too Late To Have A Baby

Life is indeed ironic, I ran into my best friend Adeola after 10 years of parting ways at Yaba market, after exchanging pleasantries, we decided to meet up later. It was during the second meeting that I discovered she’s been trying to conceive for 8 years. I wondered aloud, “But you were pregnant thrice back in school” She laughed bitterly “My sister, I was pregnant 5 times and each time I told myself I don’t want this baby and aborted it, now that I want babies, they’ve forsaken my womb”

Back in school, Deola wasn’t in any way a bad girl, she loved going out and because of her good body shape, she had a lot of guys after her, but that good shape brought bad guys into her abode.

She always fell for the wrong guys, I know because we lived in the same room together, all they ever wanted was to sample and leave, but Deola being the careless one and a loving being allowed herself fall stupidly head over heels in love with all the rogues that come her way, opening her legs to their pricks without no protection, what’s more, she lies to me about dating or having sex with them, but when she becomes pregnant that’s when she’ll come out clean, forgetting her previous lies, I never took it against her, she’s just another attractive girl that doesn’t know how to handle attention.

I witnessed the abortion of a 4 months old pregnancy by her, and it was when her parents started seeing me as the bad egg Deola is very religious) that I had to stay away from her.  The year we graduated from school was the last time I saw her until the coincidental meeting.


Back to the present day, I asked her “how’s your husband and kids” “My husband’s fine, as for children we are still waiting on God” So yes, she told me how she dated a guy for 5 years and aborted for him twice again before getting married which means she threw away 5 of her children.

I’ve never judged her, humans have the tendency to act somehow when they don’t know better “So what have you been doing?”

“I’ve taken every horrible chalk doctors prescribed for me, the ones that made me dizzy, the ones that made me horny as hell and the ones that made me moody I religiously took everything. But nothing! After 2 failed IVF and one Intrauterine insemination I’ve stopped trying”

At this point, she broke down, “I can’t believe it! I still can’t. remember the time I was pregnant for 4 months?” When I nodded my head she continued “To think I’ve not even been pregnant from morning till night in the 8 years of my marriage” She lamented.

My heart went to her, tell me, how do you comfort such a friend? As she wept, I laid her head on my shoulders and felt the spasm of her pains ripple through her as she cried, I didn’t know when I started crying too.

I cried for the lost innocence, the lost opportunities, the wasted babies, the lost, lonely and confused woman who is my friend. I wept bitterly there, at the private booth we sat at.

“Maybe, I’ve aborted all my babies” She said through her tears.

“Try not to consider the what if’s dear. You do know that you can still be fighting infertility now even if you didn’t abort then? God’s time is different from man’s, if you had gotten married then maybe you’d have children of your own because that was God’s appointed time for you to have babies. But God can choose to give you babies at the age when you’ve given up on having babies”

Life is indeed ironic, the major problem she’s facing now is not her husband who deeply loves her, but her in-laws who are ready to pack her load out of her husband’s house. My words seem to calm her down, I didn’t say what I said just to calm her down, I truly believe it.

I feel sad for her, she’s guilt-ridden, unsure where the problem of her infertility came from and even more unsure whether she’ll ever be counted as the mother to children before she leaves earth, but God’s plan is different from man’s if only you believe.

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Dealing With Anxiety After A Miscarriage

After having two miscarriages in 1 year, I became scared to try again for a baby, I was afraid I’d keep trying and losing them, and the third time I got pregnant, I didn’t tell anyone, I tried hard not to be excited, instead of being happy, I was scared shitless, stressed up and worried about what would happen next. If you’ve had a miscarriage and going through all these stages you are not alone! But you need to learn how to deal with the anxiety fear that comes with being pregnant again after a miscarriage.

Studies have shown that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in miscarriage. Yet no woman would lose her child and not almost lose her mind, I’ve been there so I know how heart-wrenching it is. Which is why it’s not hard to understand why women who had miscarried are forever changed.

When they finally get pregnant, they become worried, for their unborn babies, have sleepless nights, I’d lost two babies before I finally carried the third one to term. Many women who have had miscarriages in the past sometimes dream about losing their baby when they finally get pregnant again.

A friend of mine who had had 4 miscarriages said “There are nights I’ll wake up sweating from a nightmare where I lost my baby again” When I wake up, I would hug my belly and cry as if the dream is for real. If my baby doesn’t kick to say good morning I’d become scared, and even though I was heavily pregnant and my bump was staring me in the face I still couldn’t believe I would be a mother”

Thankfully, she gave birth to the 5th pregnancy safely, a bouncing healthy baby boy! But this is the concern most moms who have had miscarriages in the past have when they finally become pregnant again.

To heal physically, what most women need is ample rest and proper diet to help them,  but healing emotionally? That’s usually tough. The feeling of guilt and shame may be there but to heal emotionally, you need to forgive yourself!

And talk about it, talk about how rough your path to motherhood has been to people or a friend who would listen and understand, the reason why most people don’t really heal is because they never really talk about their experience and rough journey to motherhood.

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