Does “Wanting It All” Make Me A Selfish Mom?

When I see questions like “Would you choose your children over your career?” anger wells up inside me. I hope I never have to answer this question, why can’t I have my career and my children too? Why do I have to choose one of them? Who says I can’t be a great mother to my children and be successful in my career at the same time?

Yes, it’s an extremely challenging task but it’s very possible to be a great mom and a successful career woman. And what’s the assurance that staying at home full-time will make me a good mom to my kids?

The truth is motherhood is hard, whether or not you are working. The reason why most women can afford to stay at home and take care of their children back in the days can do it is because things were easier then. Now, everything is frigging expensive, and husbands expect their wife to support in paying the bill.

Besides, women who spent years learning in school no longer want to stay at home and let the years of training, the money on school fees, project and the time go to waste, everyone wants to be financially empowered.



And every woman deserves to feel much more than a woman, mother and wife, we need to feel some sort of fulfillment from working with our hands and making money.

My mom was always telling me “you’re so ungrateful” anytime I disappoint her, then one day I said some spiteful words to her ” Who send you message? I didn’t ask you to make sacrifices for me and I didn’t ask to be given birth to!” I was 15 but I didn’t know nothing about sacrifices, she gave me a slap before leaving the room.

Now I understand the gravity of my words, her years of leaving her office work to start teaching and when teaching was consuming too much of her time she left it too, after the birth of her third born, me. And how did I repay her?



Your child wouldn’t be any grateful if you left your job for them than they would if you don’t, being a working mom is even going to teach them a lot.

And if it’s about spending time with the kids, if we spend quality time with our kids when we are around them, then we make up for the time we aren’t around right? Quality is always better than quantity anytime!

 My oldest son is 10 though I didn’t really have time for him growing up, but he’s doing just fine as the little time we spend together, I try to make them memorable, the glimpses of the man I’m seeing in him, tells me I didn’t do bad by him.
I adore the three of them and never cease to show and tell them how much I love them, I’m very articulate about my feelings, I must say.

I can’t vouch for all working moms, but for me, having kids and my career at the same time makes me a better mother, if I were a full-time mom, I’d be restless, frustrated and unhappy and how would that make me a better mom to my kids and a great wife to my husband?

When guilt creep in, I tell myself I’m doing the best that I can, I couldn’t have done better if I were a full-time mom, I’d probably do worse. My joy comes from tackling challenges at work, coming home to kids who are excited to see me, and being able to provide some money from my own end.

If wanting it all makes me a selfish mom, then I’m the “most selfish” of all humans.

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What To Do If Your Only Child Is Lonely

Unknown to most parents with one child, your only child might be lonely. Growing up as an only child, although I was never really lonely, I often get asked if I’m lonely. And my answer was always “No” but when I’m playing with my mates and they’re like “Don’t touch my sister” “Don’t beat my sister” I’ll then tell my mom, “Mommy! Give me a sister too” to which my mom would answer “soon” then she got me a dog.

To help your only child, do these;

1. Help them interact with their peer

If your children don’t relate with anyone else but you and other adults, they might have difficulty relating to their peers. Visit your friend and take them along, so they’d play with children of your friends. Encourage your child to play with your neighbour’s children too.


2. Don’t be overprotective

Moms with just one child are usually overprotective, fighting for your child when her mates beat her, rescuing her and telling everyone not to touch her will make her unable to fight her own battles. Step back and let your child live and learn to solve his own problem on his own.

3. Get a pet

You should get your child a pet, it won’t only keep your child company, but also teach them to be responsible, kind and loyal. If your family doesn’t have the time or the effort, don’t get a pet and suffer it.

4. Have reasonable goals for your child

Do not set unreasonable and unrealistic expectations for your child just because he’s your one and only child. Your hopes and ambition for your child should be in line with what he wants and his ambition, although you can assure him to try his best at everything.

5. Let your child make decisions

Making all the decisions for your child will not help them, as they get older, they’ll begin to depend on your input to make a decision and they won’t be able to think for themselves. help your child become an independent thinker right from when he’s a toddler. Give them chances to make little choices like what story they’d like you to read to them, what clothes they’d like to where and where they’d like to go on an outing.

How do you ensure your only child is not lonely? Please share!

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